第九章表姐来支招了!
华诤回到家时,家人都睡了。第二天起得晚,下楼吃早餐时,父母亲和姑姑都出去买东西了,只见表姐Cindy穿着牛仔裤和T-shirt,光着脚丫子,一只腿踩缩在椅子上,正对着餐桌坐着吃东西呢。
“Hey,Matty,finallygetup,Ah?”
比华诤大一岁的表姐Cindy岳思思是ABC,也就是传说中的“香蕉人”。她短发烫得卷卷地贴着头皮,瘦瘦的,皮肤故意晒得比较黑,眼睛很大。这种外貌在美国可是很吃得开的——美国人以为,东方女孩就应该长得又黑又立体才叫有神韵。
她打的招呼让华诤不好意思地抓抓头发。宋云贞正从院里进来,关上门,回身对华诤道:
“哟,大宝贝儿,起了?”
站在华母旁的菲佣,用生硬的中文道:
“少爷吃什么早餐?”
“随便”
华母道:
“那和姐姐一样吃牛奶面包?”
“好,谢谢奶奶”
华母接过菲佣手里的餐盘,边把早餐放在餐桌上边道:
“昨天怎么这么晚才回来?”
“Granny,Hedefinitelyhadsomelastnight.”
Cindy的脸对着外祖母解释,眼睛却是看着华诤挤眉弄眼。华诤有点怀疑自己的英文水平:
“Ididn’thaveanythinglastnight.IcamebackandIwentstraighttosleep.”
Cindy十指张开,双掌在耳朵两边朝外举:
“Eww~Liar!Whateveryousay.Hey,Whateveryousay!”
华诤觉得自己肯定跟表姐有什么误会,拉开椅子坐在她对面:
“I’mnotlying.Idon’thaveto.OK?FYI,whatdoyoumeanwhenyousaidIhadsome?Hadsomewhat?”
“SEX!Ofcourse!”
华诤一口牛奶喷在餐桌上。
Cindy笑着接道:
“WhatdoyouthinkImean?”
华母忙过来给他拍着背:
“怎么了?宝贝,慢点喝!吃饭不要说话嘛。”
华诤边抽张纸捂嘴咳嗽,边朝祖母摆摆手、示意她不用帮忙。华母便拿了抹布来擦桌子:
“你们姐弟俩说什么呢?”
华诤忙道:
“没什么,没什么。”
“It’sOKtohavesex,Matty,youdon’thavetolie.Igetit——Youareagrown-up,youareinarelationship,youhavesex.That’swhatpeopledo.Hey,Ibetyourgirlfriendmustbereallyawesometokeepyouthatlong.”
华诤连连朝表姐摇手:
“Wedidn’thavesex.We’veneverhadsex.”
“Whaaaat?!”
Cindy看华诤的眼神,让华诤觉得自己就像来自侏罗纪世界的恐龙。
“Youserious?”
“Yeah.WhywouldIliesomethingaboutthat?”
华诤顿了顿,既然表姐这么光明磊落,他也不想做个萎缩怕事的人,便露出一个无奈的苦笑,坦白道:
“AlthoughIreallywantto.Tobehonest,It’skillingme!Youknow,thewholeNOSEXthing.”
“Soyouarehot?”
“Whatdoyouexpect?I’veneverhadsexinmyentirelife.Lookatme,Sis.!I’malwayshot!OK?However,mygirlfriend,she’stooshy.Idon’twanttoscareheroff.”
Cindy深感自己和这个表弟在文化上的差异鸿沟深深,两人根本鸡同鸭讲:
“Hey,Matty,Sweety,look,yougottahavesexwithyourgirlfriend,yougottahaveWILDsexwithyourgirlfriend——that’swhatboyfriendsdo.That’swhatwouldkeepyourgirlfriendcloser.Icanensureyouthatyouarenottheonlyonewho’shot.Womenhaveneeds.”
“Really?”
Cindy翻了一个“那还用说”的白眼,把脚放下来,正襟危坐,好像要准备谈什么事关国计民生的国家大事:
“I’magirl,right?I’vehadboyfriends.Igotasayinthisstaff.Yougottabelieveme,Matty,markmywords——Womenhaveneeds.Justgoandmeettheneeds.Makeyourwomanhappy.”
华诤觉得表姐背后放着万道金光——简直就是上天派来拯救他的天使!
“ButIdon’tknowhowtobringitup.Ilovemygirlfriendtoomuch.Idon’twant...”
“WowWow”
Cindy双掌向外,像在推着什么东西:
“Waitaminute,Matty,Mathew,MattWa.Waitaminute!YousaidaaayouLOVEher?Areyousure?Loveisabigword.Wedon’tuseitunlesswereallyfeelit.”
“Yeah.Ican’tbemoresure.Iloveher.EversincethefirsttimeIsawher,I’vebeenfallinglovewithher.Actually,asdaysgoby,Iloveherevenmore.Look,SheisthesweetestgirlI’veeverseen.Ifanything,I’mhopelesslyanddesperatelyinlovewithher.”
Cindy脸绷紧了,眼珠子在瞪大的眼眶中转了转:
“Wow,OK.Loudandclear.Great.Goodforyou,Matty!Goodforyou.Soyouareinlove.Doessheloveyouback?”
提这一茬,华诤有点黯然神伤,耸耸肩:
“Well,Iguessnot.Idon’tthinkso.”
伸长手臂拍着表弟的肩膀,Cindy慢慢道:
“Hey,haveyoueverheardthepoem?”
“Whatpoem?”
“’Tobewithawomanwhodoesn’tloveyouback,ismorelonelythantobealone’”
为这句话,姐弟俩默哀了几秒钟。华诤想起什么,拍拍桌子道:
“Focus!Sis.Focus!Anyway,Idon’twanttomakethingsweirdbetweenmeandmygirlfriend.Arethereanytips?Anythingwouldleadusto```youknow?”
“OK”
Cindy摊摊手,笑道:
“Youarefamily.Technically,youaremylittlebrother.I’myourbigsister.AndIloveyou.Ido.Hence,Iwouldhelpyououtwheneveryouneedme.Firstofall”
Cindy右手从左手心里扳出一个手指头:
“Yougottagetaroomforyoutwo.Bealone,forGodsake!”
不过,鉴于中美意识上的差异,Cindy还是不放心地补充问了一句:
“IsyourgirlfriendOKwiththat?”
华诤点点头:
“Yeah.Icanmakethathappen.”
“OK.Secondly,thereisastorywhichwouldmakeyourgirlfriendwanttohavesexwithyouvoluntarily.However,Yougottastateitright.”
有这么神奇的事?
“Whatstory?”
华诤正以空前绝后高涨热忱的态度在学习,大人们就回来了。华珮进门时,远远听到他们两姐弟的话,便喝道:
“思思,你忘记我们之间承诺了?在家不准说中文!”
岑兰笑道:
“是不许说英文吧?”
华珮笑道:
“唉,都被她气糊涂了。是,不准说英文!在家不准说英文!”
岳思思站起来,华诤抓住她的短袖阻止她离开:
“什么故事?”
岳思思为难道:
“对不起,你姑姑不准我说英文。我不知道用中文怎么说,我中文不好,我不会翻译。”